Devastated from a cycle of working twenty-hour days for months, all of that time spent at the computer — like some freakish latter-day Jeremy Bentham — I was unable to properly climb the stairs without getting completely winded. I’d spent almost eight months unable to get out of bed. You know how it is: You feel like your mind is a machine made for shifting the building blocks of matter around with the power of the Internets and you get to it to the exclusion of all else. Unfortunately, the price is steep.
And so I decided to embrace my antithesis. To meld with the Other. To transcend high school Manicheanism and unify all opposites.
I decided to become a Bro. I decided to join the gym and…
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